Escrito por:

08-10-2019

ABUSO SEXUAL INFANTIL Y CULPA

Uno de cada cinco niños sufre abuso sexual, según estadísticas del Convenio del Consejo de Europa para la protección de los niños contra el abuso sexual.

La realidad del abuso es que la mayoría de estos niños crecen sin haber podido contarlo, sin haber podido recibir apoyo, ni ayuda. Son adultos rotos.

Es muy duro y doloroso haber sido víctima de un abuso sexual en la infancia. Sufrir un abuso, siendo el agresor alguien a quién se quiere, en quién se confía, alguien que se supone debe proteger, es desgarrador.
Las víctimas desarrollan estrategias para sobrevivir a tan devastadora experiencia. Intentan olvidar y quitarle importancia a lo que les ocurrió. Pensar que no fue para tanto, o que lo que les sucedió es menos grave que lo que le sucede a los demás. Son estrategias para no conectar con el dolor, ya que de haberlo hecho no hubieran podido seguir adelante. Son, por tanto, estrategias de supervivencia.

Lo cierto es que los síntomas y secuelas con los años se van haciendo más incómodos e insufribles. Porque lo que ocurrió, realmente sí fue grave y doloroso. Suele ocurrir, en la edad adulta, que estas personas suelen tener una crisis y buscan apoyo psicológico. Algunas personas lo hacen antes, otras después y otras, lamentablemente, no se atreven nunca a expresarlo.

Tras tantos años de silencio y de no poder expresar sus emociones, éstas están enquistadas y se viven con mucho dolor. La CULPA y la VERGÜENZA suelen ser las más problemáticas ya que impide contar lo sucedido, y por tanto, salir de la soledad tan devastadora en la que han estado durante años.

Las personas que han sido víctimas de abuso sexual, sienten que han hecho algo malo y que el abuso que han sufrido ha sido culpa suya. Para alguien que no haya sido víctima de abuso o no conozca esta realidad puede parecer ilógico que las víctimas se sientan culpables. Para alguien ajeno a esta problemática puede parecer obvio que la culpa es del agresor pero por muy extraño que pueda parecer, las víctimas sienten que fue su culpa.

¿Por qué y cómo se genera la culpa y la vergüenza?

- En primer lugar hay que explicar que el abusador es siempre una persona del entorno cercano: dentro de la familia, un profesor, un religioso, un vecino, un monitor de deporte….etc. En cualquier caso, alguien de confianza para el niño, es decir, que hay un vínculo afectivo importante. El niño admira y quiere a esa persona.
- En segundo lugar, el abuso va desarrollándose poco a poco, sin que el menor se de cuenta, se realiza bajo la apariencia de un juego. Estos dos ingredientes, el cariño y el supuesto juego, hace que no sepa lo que está sucediendo, se sienta confuso y desconcertado. Y ésta es la condena para sentir culpa el resto de su vida “¿por qué no me dí cuenta?”, “¿por qué no dije que no?” suelen ser frases recurrentes en estas personas. Y así se sienten responsables, en lugar de víctimas.
Esta culpa y esta vergüenza hace que el niño no pida ayuda. Piensa que es responsable y por tanto, piensa que le van a castigar, rechazar, dejar de querer si lo cuenta. Así el abusador tiene garantizado el silencio y el sometimiento para hacer lo que quiera.
Pero claro, esta horrible artimaña no la sabe el niño, ni puede hacer nada porque: ¡es un niño!, así queda solo y atrapado.
El abuso, puede producirse durante años porque el abusador tiene la llave del silencio, la culpa.

Estos niños van creciendo pero no se liberan de esta culpa. Se quedan atrapados en esos niños que fueron. Cuando son adultos tampoco lo cuentan porque continúan sintiendo que tienen una tara, y por tanto, no piden ayuda. Siguen sufriendo las secuelas en silencio. ¡Cuánto dolor cargan en soledad! .
Esa culpa se traduce frecuentemente en “aguantar” relaciones y situaciones tóxicas, ya que en el fondo piensan: “yo me lo merezco porque hice algo malo”.

Y la verdad no es esa. La realidad es que los niños y niñas abusados no tienen la culpa de haberlo sido pero lo sienten así, como si lo tuvieran grabado en el ADN. El niño no tiene el poder, ni la fuerza para hacer frente a la manipulación del adulto a quien quiere y confía.
En ningún caso tiene la capacidad de prestar consentimiento. En caso de que lo hubiera hecho, es desde la manipulación por su desconocimiento e inocencia.

El proceso terapéutico es indispensable para poder liberarse de las secuelas y síntomas. Es posible tener una vida libre de culpa, de sufrimiento, de recuerdos perturbadores y de angustia. No es un camino fácil pero gracias al apoyo terapéutico muchas personas han conseguido tener un vida satisfactoria.

Aunque estas personas se sienten vulnerables, víctimas y débiles, tienen ya una gran fuerza para haber podido seguir adelante. Hay que poner esa fuerza, en lugar de tapar y ocultar, en el proceso terapéutico, para sanar. Para pasar de ser víctima a ser superviviente.

Adela García Molina
Psicóloga - Terapeuta Gestalt
Experta en Abuso Sexual Infantil


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